O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
