Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
