She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
