hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
