Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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