i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
