the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
