at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
