It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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