were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I need moral support for this bender
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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