I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
