Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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