I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
