I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
