I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
