It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Is that strawberry winking at me??
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
