Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
