Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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