if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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