Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i can't believe i had my finger in that
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
