Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
