He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
