Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
