Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
