I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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