Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
