you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
