I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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