i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
