so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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