Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
