It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
