I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
