Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
