if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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