No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
