walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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