He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
