How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
