I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
