hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
