I cannot find my penis.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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