I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
