ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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