I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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