I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
