Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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