Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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