she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
