he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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