He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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